I drove up to Michigan to see friends and family, and it was worth every second of it. I saw the sign for Cedar St/ Holt and I knew home was only minutes away. It was a relief to sleep in my old room, spend time with my mom and friends, I missed that more than you could ever know. It only further confirmed that ohio isnapos;t my state. Iapos;d say I jumped into this on impulse, even though I kept trying to convince myself over and over that this was the time and place for me. Even now- months after Autumn and I havenapos;t been together, I still think about where I went wrong, how I could have done things differently, how I could have acted. Thereapos;s a million ways of looking at it. I listen to my voicemails, and she just basically tells me to not talk to her anymore, because I "obviously donapos;t love her". Yes I love her, but sometimes I wish Iapos;d never seen her face, I wish Iapos;d never fallen in love with her.
Looking up at the stars each night has been therapeutic for me, it reminds me that where I am now, is not necessarily my destination, but just where I need to be in this life at this moment in order to learn something. Iapos;ll make my next move when the time is right, when Iapos;ve got my head clear, when I can sit on the ledge and dangle my feet in the city air, catching the breeze through my hair, and looking up to the sky, and realizing that the stars I see now are the same stars I wished upon when I was a toddler. I think back to the days of my osh kosh overalls looking up, to now, with jeans and a hoodie, the same eyes gazing to the skies for an answer. I tasted a false reality and now Iapos;ve got the most horrible pain in my heart that Iapos;ve ever felt.
and im feelin myself, and im feelin lyric, and im begging you, and im all strung out on, and im all alone.
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